On Late Night, Seth Meyers brutally disassembled Trump’s performance at the first presidential debate: “Last night we all watched a petulant psycho debase himself on live TV.”
“Actually debate is not the right word,” Meyers said of the face-off. “It was more like a collective brain hemorrhage. It was like watching democracy get a lobotomy.”
Meyers then tried to out-do the cable news anchors with their debate descriptions: “Watching that debate was like hotboxing a Porta Potty with crystal meth in Phoenix in July. It was like being hit on the head with a lead pipe in a room filled with nitrous oxide. It was like watching a two-person performance of 12 Angry Men where one actor played one part and one was mad enough for the other 11. … Wolf Blitzer could show up in full BDSM gear screaming the lyrics to ‘WAP’ and it still wouldn’t have been the crudest thing to happen last night.”
Meyers then went over the conspiracy theories that sprung up on FOX News about Biden ahead of the debate like an alleged earpiece and dementia, as well as drugs, mocking Rudy Giuliani’s claims that he had interviewed to doctors about Biden’s mental state.
“Were they interviews? Or were they exams? Like, during these interviews, Rudy, were you wearing a gown that tied in the back?”
“Seems to me that if you have it together enough to hide that you’re senile, you might not be senile,” Meyers added. “Pretty sure if you were suffering from dementia it would show up at the debate. In fact, I’m pretty sure it did. Seriously, everyone watching that debate had flashbacks to arguing with a drunk friend to hand over his car keys.”
“Let’s entertain the idea that one of the candidates was on Adderall. I wonder who it was?” Meyers asked, before playing a supercut of Trump’s manic attacks on Biden. “Trump had so much crazy coke energy that the moderator Chris Wallace literally had to yell ‘no’ at him to get him to stop interrupting.”
Meyers then ripped FOX News anchors for calling Trump an “apex predator” on Tuesday night: “I’m sorry, you watched that debate and saw an apex predator and gladiator-warrior fighter? Because he didn’t look like a predator to me. Most of the time he stood there with his head cocked like an old dog who just heard a twig snap. He held onto that podium like my grandma holds onto her walker when they’re reading the Powerball numbers.”
Concluded Meyers: “Trump’s behavior last night was perfectly emblematic of the modern GOP, right-wing media, and the conservative movement. The Republican mascot shouldn’t be an elephant. It should be a possum being cornered in a garage by a rake. They’re all like this: deranged, petulant children, constantly aggrieved, making excuses. We got a closeup look at just how odious and grotesque the president is. His only goals are chaos and nihilism. He thinks that’s the path to power. And now it’s up to us to show him he’s wrong, and restore our democracy by voting in overwhelming numbers to repudiate him and everything he stands for.”
