Seth Meyers took apart the second night of the Democratic debates, starting with an “expert analysis” from Donald Trump that the top 4 or 5 candidates have the best chance of winning.
Quipped Meyers: “It’s like a commentator during the NBA finals going, ‘I think it’s going to either be the Raptors or the Warriors, Ernie, unless a third outside team sneaks in there.'”
Meyers then offered a few moments from last night’s debate before diving in to night two, and Democratic Party Chair Tom Perez’s nursery rhyme parody of “Old McDonald” about Mitch McConnell that he used to fire up the crowd.
“I think I speak for everyone when I say ‘E-I-E-I-NO,'” said Meyers. “That was the worst Weird Al cover ever. You can’t beat Mitch McConnell with nursery rhymes. Nursery rhymes power him, like the villain in a horror movie. Whenever he speaks on the floor of the Senate you can hear children creepily singing in the background.”
Meyers then took note of Joe Biden’s quip to Kamala Harris before the debate began: “Go easy on me, kid.”
Said Meyers: “Hey man, if you don’t want to seem old, maybe don’t talk like you’re in a Humphrey Bogart movie.”
CNN then tried to get Biden and Harris to go after each other right away, Meyers explained, which worked. And in fact, CNN moderators cut the candidates relentlessly to get a response from a rival.
Moving on to health insurance, Meyers looked at Biden’s farcical defense of private health insurance.
“I’m sorry, but who likes their private insurance? Nobody likes going to the ER for a sprained ankle and then getting 58 envelopes in the mail from Anthem. I keep hearing this talking point from moderates. I never hear anyone say ‘you can take my HMO when you pry it from my cold dead hands which will probably be pretty soon because it doesn’t cover my meds.'”
Biden also broke out his catchphrase, “a bunch of malarkey” which Meyers proclaimed as Joe Biden’s “more cowbell.”
“I love it but it does make him seem a little old. It’s something you expect to hear shouted from the top of an old bicycle.”
The topic moved on to criminal justice reform, and a moment in which Biden called Cory Booker the “future president.” Biden then tried to question Booker’s record as mayor of Newark, prompting two of Booker’s best moments.
“If you want to compare records, and frankly, I’m shocked if you do, I am happy to do that,” said Booker before the most tweeted line of the night, again from Booker, “There’s a saying in my community, ‘you’re dipping into the Kool-Aid and you don’t even know the flavor.'”
“Damn. There is no way Biden even knows what that means,” said Meyers. “Because I am 35 years younger than him and I don’t even know what it means.”
Kirsten Gillibrand even got in a one-liner last night, saying “The first thing I’m going to do when I’m president, is I’m going to Clorox the Oval Office.”
“First of all,” quipped Meyers, “I don’t think it’s legal to use bleach on an active crime scene. Secondly, you’re definitely going to need something stronger than Clorox.”
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